THE BENNY AWARDS - 2024

Hello world, it’s me, Benny Burt.  I’d like to take a second to welcome you to the first ever Benny’s awards, sponsored by Chevy.

We, as a community of burners, have it tough.  From doghouses, to losing bets, to women being out of the kitchen and everything in between.  I figure I’d take a few minutes to recognize some of my fellow companions, maybe spark a little discussion amongst the burner verse.

Before announcing the awards here are a few housekeeping tips: these awards stretch from any point this summer, to any point last summer.  Winners of a Benny will be able to redeem their Benny at their local Chevy dealer for a free cup of coffee, lastly, those of you who may not get lucky enough to receive a benny this year, keep trying, maybe next year. Thanks for coming along for the ride.


Let’s get started, our first award is extremely prestigious, something anyone would be honored to win, however few will ever even be nominated for this, yes, you guessed it: “Bench-press guy of the year.”

Our nominees are:

Richard Johnson, well known member of the 405 club,

 Ryen Rusillo, who according to PMT, “no longer benches for max, but can rep 225 20+ times”

And lastly, yours truly, Benny Burt, who set a new bench max out this past year (please don’t ask the weight). And the Benny award winner for “bench-press guy of the year” is……

Richard Johnson!


Our second award is somewhat of a spinoff of another very prestigious award, this one is the “Is this guy dead or not guy of the year.” 

This award goes out to someone who I legitimately do not know if they are alive or not, whether it be a group of unclear tweets, a conspiracy of having a body double, or just someone who has fallen off the face of the earth. 

Our nominees are:

Joe Biden, for going MIA during covid, and I can honestly say I don’t know if he is alive or not right now. 

Our second nominee is Nells Nelson.  Where the hell has this guy been? Can we get a wellness check on Nells? Has waterman finally bullied him off the face of the earth???

And finally, our final nominee is none other than Jimmy Carter.  Honestly as I’m typing this I genuinely do not know if he is alive or not. Someone let me know in the comments, thanks.  And the Benny for “is this guy dead or not guy of the year” is……

Nells Nelson!!!! Please someone get in contact with Nells and confirm that he is still alive and well, we miss him (as annoying as he is) in the burnerverse.


Our next Benny is certain to pull at some heartstrings.  This one will probably get slightly emotional for some readers, as each of these people have moved on to greener pastures. This Benny is for the “retirement of the year.”

Nominee number one is none other than Jake Marsh, the loveable, innocent PMT staple announced his retirement from the podcast, leaving AWLs emotional for the past few weeks.  Thank you for everything Jake, now please do the Ray Allen Tweet. 

Our next nominee is yours truly, yes, Benny Burt. I have once and for all retired for gambling, and I am absolutely serious this time.  After Tarleton state basketball lost me upwards of $300 I had to take a long look in the mirror, why in God’s name was I gambling on Tarleton State basketball????

Alas I have retired for the fourth and final time from gambling (if anyone has a bookie that can slide me some free play, my DMs are open.) 

Next we have our first back to back nominee, Joe Biden.  This retirement really came out of nowhere, and as a screenshot on twitter, broken by Shams??? Hence the “is this guy dead or not guy of the year” nomination.

Finally we have our fourth nominee, one that was even more surprising than the three listed above combined, Ron’s retirement from blogging.  I mean come on, I think we can all agree that there was only one thing for us to look forward to on Wednesdays and that was the blog.  That glimmer of hope when opening the link that you could be recognized for TOTW (few, if any have 4 TOTW’s like ole Benny Burt, but I’ve digressed).  And now that is gone, it’s been taken from us without even a notes app apology or announcement, what a sham.

And the winner of the benny for retirement of the year goes to…..

Ron! For leaving us all out high and dry. Thanks Ron for contributing to the downfall of burner twitter.


Our next Benny is one that is near and dear to my heart. The “she/her of the year.” 

When they aren’t yelling at us for not doing enough around the house or golfing too much, or just flat out complaining about our existence, women can be semi-bearable. 

The nominees for “she/ her of the year” are:

Caitlin Clark, what a year she’s had! From her unbelievable run at Iowa, to being semi stalked by Boy McGuyerton, she keeps on winning (except for the big one). 

Next we have Shanta the Queen. What a great she/ her they are for twitter.  Always grinding, buzzing, or working at her new job, Shanta is a real winner. 

Our last nominee is Vanessa Hudgins for that one picture that made the famous “Benny’s list” last summer. 

Vanessa Hudgins! Sorry Shanta, I can’t not try and get her to notice me


Speaking of women, our next Benny is, “Misogynist of the year.”

This award is slightly different than the others however, as there is only one nominee, and that is, of course, Boy McGuyerton. No one hates women more than this guy! And who blames him? Get those women (except Vanessa) back into the kitchen!


Our next Benny is brought to you by Rhoback, R H O B A C K, Go to rhoback.com promo code Benny for 0% off polos, shorts, and joggers.  This Benny is for “CEO corporate guy of the year.” 

There are a ton of people out there who own businesses, and are big corporate honchos.  These guys are just really high up in their place of business. 

Our first nominee is Donny T, Donald Trump himself, this guy loves business and is the ultimate corporate guy. 

Next, we have Elon Musk, who has managed to buy (and ruin) twitter this year. 

Our final nominee Is Rick Saban.  He has been tasked with trying to teach, wrangle, control, and keep in line, Shanta as they recently began working together this year.  Rick is an all-around business guru, and if you’re ever on twitter, chances are you will see him directing Shanta on how to better do her job. And the winner for “CEO corporate guy of the year” is…..

Rick Saban!


The next Benny that will be given out is “turnaround guy of the year.” 

This award is presented to someone who made a huge turnaround in the past year. 

The first nominee is, Damar Hamlin for turning around from being dead, to being alive, #prayersfordamar. 

Our next Nominee is Jersey Jerry, for finally putting away his fake right leaning persona, and has finally let his liberal flag fly.

Our third nominee is Donald trump, with perhaps one of the more life-altering turns in recent memory, in the turning of his head during his recent rally/ assassination attempt (Benny disavows assassination attempts). 

The final nominee for turnaround guy of the year is Max from PMT.  I don’t know what it is about this guy, but over the last few months he has turned into someone I used to despise listening to, to one of the more likeable personalities on PMT. And the winner for turnaround guy of the year is…

Max from PMT! For turning around from a hate able, loud, unfunny, 2 soda, whiner, into a likable, loud, whiny, 2 soda guy.


Our next Benny is for “Work guy of the year.”

This Benny recognizes the guys who put their heads down and grind out their 9-5’s looking forward to the weekends, with no aspirations to ever become the CEO corporate guy of the year. 

Our first nominee is Waterman.  Water loves nothing more than water cooler talk, stealing company time, and looking like he’s working. I mean seriously, this guy loves work:

 Our next nominee is Carl.  How could I not include the man who worked on JULY 4TH last summer?! Carl loves working. 

Our final nominee is Uncle Drew, from his unfunny, loud barefoot coworker, to his Monday memes, trust the unc when it comes to getting work (not) done while in office.

The winner of the Benny for “work guy of the year” goes to…..

Waterman! For being a guy who goes to work.  Way to go Water.


The winner of this next Benny wishes that I would give everyone an award, but that’s just not how the Benny’s work my friend.  That’s right, next up is the Benny for “Lib of the year.”

This award goes out to someone who thrives during pride month, is infatuated with #Momala, and would give anything for people to turn their guns back in to the government. 

Our nominees are:

Billy Pajamas

Boy McGuyerton

and the opening ceremonies for the 2024 summer Olympics.

And the winner of the Benny for Lib of the year is…

Billy Pajamas! Someone who’s mind is as open as the wishes the border was!


We’ve all experienced this next Benny, and that is the Benny for “Embarrassing things to happen to your voice of the year” award. 

Our first nominee is Carl, who, as a 30 year old, experienced something that could only be classified as, our worst nightmare:

Our next nominee is Joe Biden during his most recent debate.  I mean the cough, the hoarse voice, the forgetting the words, almost as tough of a day as Carl had. 

Our final nominee is Morgan Wallen, who unfortunately had to cancel his concert in Oxford, Mississippi due to losing his voice. 

And the winner of the Benny for “Embarrassing things to happen to your voice of the year” is….

Carl! For living out each of our worst nightmares


The next Benny is for all of the newbies out there, "Newcomer of the year". This Benny award goes out to someone who is new to the burnerverse, and worth a follow. 

Our first nominee is Huey, the new pardon My Take intern, this guy has the voice of an angel, but the face of someone who does radio. I have caught myself snickering at a few Huwey moments while walking my dog this past month. 

Our next nominee is Mo Stache, an all-time hype guy and gambler and recent father of 2. 

Our final nominee is Dilbo Babbins, who is quick to post his draftkings lineups for golf, but a little too slow in liking my tweets unfortunately. 

The winner of the Benny for newcomer of the year is…

Mo Stache!


As we near the end of the Benny’s the next award is something that resonates with the majority of readers of this blog, one of my favorite awards to give out: “Hot dog guy of the year.”

Our first nominee is Shanta, for her work of art on the grill:

I mean what the hell is this shanta? Women, please stay off the grill. 

Our next nominee is Joey Chestnut, who although did break our hearts by not competing in the official Nathan’s hot dog eating contest this year, was still able to down 52 dogs in 5 minutes. 

The final nominee is Harry Weiner, who infamously had to eat 20 hot dogs this year as a fantasy football punishment, but pouted about it instead, leading to his removal from the league (please DM Ron if you are interested in joining one of the most competitive fantasy football leagues out there)

And the winner for Hot Dog guy of the year is:

Harry Weiner, for being a PAB who is a afraid to eat a few hot dogs!

Kidding, the winner is Shanta, because even though she annihilated a pack of dogs on a grill, she was still man enough to eat them, unlike Harry.


The next to last Benny of the year is "Dad of the year". This benny goes out to someone who is just a flat out great dad, thank you to all of the dads out there doing their thing. 

The first nominee is Rick, for not only having Rick Jr to take care of, but soon welcoming twins into this world, pray for Rick guys.

Our next nominee for Dad of the year is one of my close personal friends, Mooky Kramer, a single dad taking care of Milo-15, Abby-13, and the most recent addition MLK Jr.-0.

The final nominee for Dad of the year is Phillip Rivers, former NFL QB who recently welcomed his TENTH child.

And the winner for “Dad of the year” is….

Mooky! For being an absolutely incredible role model for his kids!


Alas we’ve come to the end of the night, with our final Benny to give out, “Benny of the Year.”  This award is the highest honor of the Benny’s, going out to someone who embodies what it means to be a Benny, someone who is witty, smart, great at gambling, knows ball, and flat out hilarious. This award goes out each year to the person who I believe is the best Twitter account of the year. 

The nominees for Benny of the year are:

Benny Burt (obviously)

Waterman,

Uncle Drew

Benny Jr.

After voting, re-voting, voting again, and tallying these votes numerous times, the board has finally come to a consensus, the winner of Benny of the year is…

UNCLE DREW for being a 9.3/10 twitter follow way to go Unc, congratulations and keep your foot on the gas, because I am coming for your title next year.


Thanks everyone who was in attendance for this year’s Benny’s awards, thank you to our sponsors: Mrs. Benny, Chevy, Rhoback, and Coors light, and a special thanks for Pardon My Takes “Takies” for the inspiration.  See you next year. Benny out.

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